[The touch is startling in its gentleness, as he's guided around, head hung forward as if in an uncharacteristically self-conscious effort to hide the wear on his face—how tired he looks, sleepless and stressed, dark circles more pronounced. Yet he looks down at Alex with a moment of unguarded vulnerability. Seeing her so close and so directly, outside of training, he's reminded of just how attractive Alex is to him. Has always been, though he's done well to ignore that fact after their encounter in Aefenglom never quite reached fruition of mutual interest.
Is he a different person from who he was then? Would he have stopped, and left, as he had before? No. Likely not. Is he more selfish, now?]
I don't know if I can make that promise. [How many times has he continued to lie, even after promising honesty? Perhaps it is just a bad habit he doesn't know how to amend.] ... But I will try.
[As emotionally compromised as he feels in the moment, it seems natural to lift his own hand and hold Alex under the chin, gazes connected. Only he stops there, awkwardly, whatever action he meant to take left incomplete.]
[ Truthfully, Alex didn’t expect him to answer that. She had wanted to make a point, but he beats her expectations, more surprised by the effort he offers than the intimate touch to her face.
Despite his haggard state, it does little to diminish his allure. If anything, his dark eyes were even more alluring with the added depth of emotion that drew her in even more. A beautiful tragedy, she thought to herself. One that wrenched at her heart, synchrony or not, as she looked upon his face.
Her hand reaches out once more, cupping the side of his face as a thumb carefully brushes against the dark circles beneath his eyes. While she held no expectations for him to keep or make any promises with her, she would like to believe he was sincere with his words. ]
So…can you tell me what’s wrong?
[ He could take it either way, whether it was asking directly for the problem or whether he felt he could tell her. ]
[At the question, his hand drops, lashes low over his eyes to hide any echo of telling emotion there. There is no harm in admitting the truth now, but somehow the act feels difficult. He has yet to say these words aloud. Will it get easier if he does?]
Someone I know has gone.
[Safe but explanatory. Surely it is the shadow of anyone’s dread here—that any moment the whims of this dimension will change, and someone will go, whether that be you or another.]
Does it bother you? That you do not remember everything I do, in that other place where we met?
[ It was a subtle touch, but she feels the warmth it brought leaving her face. Still, she doesn’t look away, his words brief, but the emotions behind them seem to threaten to spill over. So she doesn’t press for now, but the hand on his cheek slips behind his neck instead, pulling him down into a hug, the hand in his squeezing firmly.
His question has her glancing away, but at least she wasn’t looking at him directly. ]
I’m…not really sure. I don’t know if it was the same place, but someone else had told me something similar. That they met me somewhere else. Or a version of me.
[ Her fingers pause briefly before returning to stroking the back of his neck. ]
I can’t say I get what all of it means…and I know my memory isn’t intact, but if I was missing from my world for more than year…I’m pretty sure I would have remembered being punished for it when I returned.
[ If she had actually been successful at escaping once, Barry would have made it so she could never run away from him again. He would have engraved it into her mind so she wouldn’t dare to even entertain the thought. ]
If it really was a different ‘version’ of me, then they aren’t my memories to remember.
[ Her breathing seems to stall, her eyes closing heavily, turning her head slightly until soft strands of jet black hair tickle her face.
What did that Alex know about Itachi? What was their relationship like? What memories did they share? Did she know more about him then? Did she have to chase after him too? Was he different with her? Was she different from her? Better?
An exhale, fingers press into the back of his neck, the comforting gesture shifting into something more bitter. ]
[The embrace nearly drives him back, an instinctive desire to recoil surging up in his mind. He isn’t so averse to physical contact now—not after so many months exposed to it—but neither has it become comfortable or easy. Itachi’s body is tense in her arms, stiff and still, though without a fight.
It becomes easier if he concentrates on her voice, soft and gently accented, an almost wandering tone that trembles at certain words. Pressed together, for a moment he closes his eyes—a weakness of vulnerability that allows tense muscles to begin to relax. His head drops down onto Alex’s slender shoulder and he manages a slow breath, eyes flickering back open to stare at a distant point without seeing. He smells something floral; hair, perhaps, long and silky down her back. Her body is softer than he’s accustomed, so familiar to when they had stood in that bar and danced together.
Is it better to remember or forget everything? Hadn’t she also spoken of missing memories of her own brother? Perhaps the topic isn’t something he should have broached. And yet he finds no regret, pain of sympathy he doesn’t deserve to feel, kindness in the embrace that she wouldn’t show if she truly knew him.
He doesn’t speak for some time. Then, finally:]
I can return them. The memories of you that belong to me. [He draws away at last, composure beginning to solidify back in place.] But if you would prefer not to have them...
[ His resistance is felt, but Alex keeps at it until she feels him relax into it. Worrick had been somewhat similar, but he was an odd case and a half.
When he starts to slip away, her hold loosens, but doesn’t quite leave him yet. His offer…sits uncomfortably, her grip loosening even more. ]
I’m…not sure.
[ Memories that might not be hers, a version of her she may not recognize. Of course a part of her was curious, always is, but something about how it was brought up had been bothering her. ]
[His head lowers, eyes turning away. As Alex's grip loosens it would be easy to pull completely back, but the question makes him pause, stiffening.]
... No. I didn't mean that.
[It is difficult to separate the Alex of this dimension from the other - both are kind, considerate, sometimes stubborn. Both have brought him comfort and company. And if he was missing his memory from another time, he would want it back; it would be his to take back. So he'd thought the same.]
It is your decision. If you want to know I can give them to you, but I don't consider you as different. You are simply Alex to me across all dimensions.
[ She takes another moment, standing with him alone in the back room in silence. It was scary, she finally admitted, not knowing what to expect in his memories. Would she see a side of herself that she would hate? That she would love, but not be able to obtain again?
Yet Itachi’s words loosen the grip of fear clutching at her chest, gently prying them off with simple words of comfort as soft as his hair brushing against her neck. What would it be like, she started to wonder, to see herself through his eyes, so often unreadable and unfazed. ]
Alright.
[ Her soft tone seems louder in the quiet room. ]
I…I want to know…what memories you have of me.
[ It might be a gift only Itachi could grant, even if it didn’t include the memories of the past from her world. ]
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no subject
Is he a different person from who he was then? Would he have stopped, and left, as he had before? No. Likely not. Is he more selfish, now?]
I don't know if I can make that promise. [How many times has he continued to lie, even after promising honesty? Perhaps it is just a bad habit he doesn't know how to amend.] ... But I will try.
[As emotionally compromised as he feels in the moment, it seems natural to lift his own hand and hold Alex under the chin, gazes connected. Only he stops there, awkwardly, whatever action he meant to take left incomplete.]
no subject
Despite his haggard state, it does little to diminish his allure. If anything, his dark eyes were even more alluring with the added depth of emotion that drew her in even more. A beautiful tragedy, she thought to herself. One that wrenched at her heart, synchrony or not, as she looked upon his face.
Her hand reaches out once more, cupping the side of his face as a thumb carefully brushes against the dark circles beneath his eyes. While she held no expectations for him to keep or make any promises with her, she would like to believe he was sincere with his words. ]
So…can you tell me what’s wrong?
[ He could take it either way, whether it was asking directly for the problem or whether he felt he could tell her. ]
no subject
Someone I know has gone.
[Safe but explanatory. Surely it is the shadow of anyone’s dread here—that any moment the whims of this dimension will change, and someone will go, whether that be you or another.]
Does it bother you? That you do not remember everything I do, in that other place where we met?
no subject
His question has her glancing away, but at least she wasn’t looking at him directly. ]
I’m…not really sure. I don’t know if it was the same place, but someone else had told me something similar. That they met me somewhere else. Or a version of me.
[ Her fingers pause briefly before returning to stroking the back of his neck. ]
I can’t say I get what all of it means…and I know my memory isn’t intact, but if I was missing from my world for more than year…I’m pretty sure I would have remembered being punished for it when I returned.
[ If she had actually been successful at escaping once, Barry would have made it so she could never run away from him again. He would have engraved it into her mind so she wouldn’t dare to even entertain the thought. ]
If it really was a different ‘version’ of me, then they aren’t my memories to remember.
[ Her breathing seems to stall, her eyes closing heavily, turning her head slightly until soft strands of jet black hair tickle her face.
What did that Alex know about Itachi? What was their relationship like? What memories did they share? Did she know more about him then? Did she have to chase after him too? Was he different with her? Was she different from her? Better?
An exhale, fingers press into the back of his neck, the comforting gesture shifting into something more bitter. ]
…Yeah, it bothers me.
no subject
It becomes easier if he concentrates on her voice, soft and gently accented, an almost wandering tone that trembles at certain words. Pressed together, for a moment he closes his eyes—a weakness of vulnerability that allows tense muscles to begin to relax. His head drops down onto Alex’s slender shoulder and he manages a slow breath, eyes flickering back open to stare at a distant point without seeing. He smells something floral; hair, perhaps, long and silky down her back. Her body is softer than he’s accustomed, so familiar to when they had stood in that bar and danced together.
Is it better to remember or forget everything? Hadn’t she also spoken of missing memories of her own brother? Perhaps the topic isn’t something he should have broached. And yet he finds no regret, pain of sympathy he doesn’t deserve to feel, kindness in the embrace that she wouldn’t show if she truly knew him.
He doesn’t speak for some time. Then, finally:]
I can return them. The memories of you that belong to me. [He draws away at last, composure beginning to solidify back in place.] But if you would prefer not to have them...
no subject
When he starts to slip away, her hold loosens, but doesn’t quite leave him yet. His offer…sits uncomfortably, her grip loosening even more. ]
I’m…not sure.
[ Memories that might not be hers, a version of her she may not recognize. Of course a part of her was curious, always is, but something about how it was brought up had been bothering her. ]
Do you…want me to be more like the Alex you know?
no subject
... No. I didn't mean that.
[It is difficult to separate the Alex of this dimension from the other - both are kind, considerate, sometimes stubborn. Both have brought him comfort and company. And if he was missing his memory from another time, he would want it back; it would be his to take back. So he'd thought the same.]
It is your decision. If you want to know I can give them to you, but I don't consider you as different. You are simply Alex to me across all dimensions.
no subject
Yet Itachi’s words loosen the grip of fear clutching at her chest, gently prying them off with simple words of comfort as soft as his hair brushing against her neck. What would it be like, she started to wonder, to see herself through his eyes, so often unreadable and unfazed. ]
Alright.
[ Her soft tone seems louder in the quiet room. ]
I…I want to know…what memories you have of me.
[ It might be a gift only Itachi could grant, even if it didn’t include the memories of the past from her world. ]