[Naturally. And Itachi wants it over with, even as he climbs to his feet doubting his ability to see it through. He only knows that to reject this conversation would mean another strained situation for Sasuke. Will it always feel this way? As though the two of them are pulling on each other, constantly, from opposite ends of the world, desperate to meet in the middle but unable to.]
I will head there now.
[It's the last message he sends before he's heading out to the agreed location.]
Edited (late night tagging typos) 2020-06-27 06:53 (UTC)
[ Stiles, who had been casually stalking another token-receiver while texting Itachi, pivots abruptly on a heel to walk back toward the docks. The journey takes him a little under five minutes at the brisk pace he sets for himself. Once there, he selects one of the docks unoccupied by boats or Underground denizens, sits down at the end of the pier, and waits. He does everything in his power to keep from obsessing over what he’s already been told, instead focusing his attention on the various knots and whorls in the dock’s wood.
When Itachi joins him, Stiles doesn’t look up. The shinobi is acknowledged with a brief bob of his head. ]
[It's no difficulty finding Stiles. When he does appear, his demeanor is as placid and neutral as ever—or perhaps even more than usual, expression a tightly closed fist in an effort to tame this conversation. This interaction.]
You're aware of some of it. [Itachi remains standing, black eyes out over the rippling river-water, examining a distant point on some far cave wall just barely visible.] You saw a memory of conflict between the clan and Konoha, our village. I haven't asked you for the details of what else it was you witnessed in my mirror.
So I'll ask you now, to understand the context of what I will need to explain. What did you see then?
[ The shadow of something large lurks just beneath the surface of the dark river. Stiles, seated crossed-legged, warily inches further back onto the deck. Is it ridiculous to be more afraid of a fish than the man standing beside him? Undoubtedly. But while he’s taken Sasuke’s words on Itachi with a grain of salt, his trust and faith in the younger Uchiha brother has already sealed his relationship with the elder. Regardless of what he learns now, Stiles doesn’t plan on shutting Itachi out. ]
Your dad was addressing the clan, telling them about your promotion. I can’t remember the name. Someone suggested you join the Military Police, but your dad told them you’d be joining ANBU instead. [ He pauses, distracted as the shadow sinks out of sight. ] The clan was pissed, so your dad explained his reasoning – ANBU was keeping watch on the clan and this way you could keep watch on the village. You argued that the clan and village are all comrades.
[ Brown eyes cut over and up to Itachi, scrutinizing him. ]
[He listens, silent and unmoving, and places that description into the context of his past. Already he knew this conversation would require him to access those memories buried deeply within himself, but it isn't a simple task. There's a length of quiet interrupted only by the lapping water on the dock before Itachi speaks again.]
What you saw was one of many clan meetings that occurred throughout my youth. The Uchiha were a large and powerful clan, and they had aided Konoha greatly in the recent Third Shinobi World War. When they felt they weren't acknowledged by the village for their efforts, they became resentful and bitter toward its leaders.
[Itachi's eyes drop to the water, staring into it. He can imagine his father's face, still, with such startling clarity.]
This was concerning for Konoha. While the Military Police Force was established partially to placate the Uchiha, they also decided to monitor the clan. Tensions began to grow. Eventually the Uchiha were pushed to a corner of the village and resources were cut from the Police Force—explained as inevitable because the world was entering a period of peace, and they were no longer needed. [A pause, then he glances down to the top of Stiles' head.] You should understand, many in the clan believed my father would become Hokage—the village's leader—after the war ended.
[ The moment dark, flinty eyes are cast in his direction, Stiles looks away. He’d prefer to observe the Witch closely during such a critical conversation, to suss out through body language and expression what he is unable to through words. But Itachi has already confessed to slaughtered his entire clan, a staggering amount of people that surely beats out the number of known victims from the most prolific serial killers in the United States. The men, women, and children. His own parents. Kate Argent would be foaming at the mouth to get Itachi’s digits. “Hello? So, I’ve heard you’re into murdering entire families. Let’s get dinner.” The gallows humor doesn’t help. ]
Not personally. We’re pretty sheltered in the US. Not saying things are perfect, but it’s easy to turn a blind eye to the broader conflicts in the world with how most of us live.
[There is not much to see in Itachi's outward demeanor, even if he came under watchful scrutiny. The mask of cold, blank severity is one he's practiced most of his life; it won't bend in this confession. The extent of what he's admitting to Stiles may be more than he's said to anyone, even his own brother—but that offers only further reason for his own controlled manner of speech.]
I see. In our world, war is a closer threat. Shinobi of hidden villages are inclined to violence between one another, and that power struggle has defined our culture for countless generations. [His voice is mild, lowered to muteness.] I witnessed war myself when I was a young child. Death, bodies, senseless slaughter... It was a memory Jonas unfortunately glimpsed as well. I would have prevented his trespassing if I could, but it was too late.
[At least he'd pulled Jonas out of it. And the massacre, too—he understands trying to have any kind of relationship with Jonas is impossible. Incongruous, given their backgrounds and his own atrocities. He's accepted that.]
My clan was plotting to usurp Konoha's leadership through a coup. I was aware of it, because they trusted me and wished that I would aid them in their plan, but I was also serving as a spy for Konoha itself. If they succeeded, there was little doubt Konoha would fall to yet another war. The village would be too unstable due to that political vacuum. [...] So I was given a choice, and I made a decision.
[ War in the shinobi world is a topic Sasuke has also touched on, forcing Stiles to reluctantly accept what he’s being told now. That said, he does so with an air of increasingly agitated impatience, unwilling to afford Itachi any sliver of pity or sympathy until he better understands the kind of man, or monster, his friend calls brother. But even after the man continues, Stiles struggles to reach any real opinion. Incredulity is at the forefront of his mind, more than anything. ]
Your family [ a word he emphasizes, as opposed to the more distant usage of “clan,” as he summarizes what Itachi’s explained ] placed you in ANBU to spy on the village. At the same time, the village used your connections to spy on your family. Ultimately, you had a choice. Help your family – who sound like they were used and abused by the village, then kicked to the curb – through a coup. But instead you wiped them all out?
[ He can’t remain seated. Righteous anger prickles hot under his skin, bidding him to stand. It’s an effort to keep his voice level, to prevent this conversation from breaking out into another argument. ]
I don’t get it. How the fuck does murdering innocent children, innocent people, make any sense here? Unless you’re telling me that every person in your clan, every single goddamn one from the toddlers to the elderly, was in support of the coup, I can’t – I just can’t. You wanted to prevent a war, but you were the war. How many? Tell me how many.
[Unmoved from steely composure in the face of Stiles' words, he keeps eyes out over their surroundings, though his thoughts remain wholly fixed into the conversation. What is said to him is nothing new—he has confronted almost a decade of similar sentiments. Disgust, fury, vitriol enough to label him monster; it's as much as he had anticipated when committing himself to the act.
Worse were the instances he would instead be acknowledged with admiration or envy for his achievements, lauded for that depth of power. It was an act he'd played along with. It would be simpler to slip into that now, rather than admit any useless regret—but he's no longer wreathed in the lie.]
The alternative was the death and suffering of countless more innocent people. Offering you a number means very little. [Against Stiles' anger, his voice is glazed cold.] I was given the choice because I was the only one capable of it. Otherwise, Konoha would have attempted to stop the coup themselves, requiring the involvement of other shinobi and longer term violence. The village would be left vulnerable to outside nations, who would certainly take advantage of it.
I'm not seeking forgiveness or even understanding from you. Your anger is blameless. When I was exiled, I took the truth I am telling you now with me. Not even Sasuke was aware until after my death, and that was against my wishes.
Edited (i forgot to answer the question ALSO YOU SAID EDITS WERE OK) 2020-07-03 16:59 (UTC)
Shut up, [ snaps Stiles in a low hiss of breath, trichobothria standing on edge. ] I don’t care if you aren’t seeking it – you don’t get to dismiss it before I even decide whether or not to offer it. Which I can’t, by the way. Judge you? Sure. Forgive you? No. Only Sasuke has that right.
[ Countenance twisted darkly, he glares out across the river and thinks. There’s too much for him to healthily process in this moment, emotions choking him in a silence broken only by the sound of water lapping against dock support stilts. If the trichobothria pick up on any indication that Itachi is about to continue speaking, Stiles will rigidly jerk a hand up in a wordless demand to wait. ]
Not too long ago, [ he begins, tone curt, ] I had a conversation with someone. About how so many people brought here seem to come from these fairy-tale lives where the good guy always wins…and never has to make difficult decisions. Victory without sacrifice. [ Even now, the idea has his lip curling enviously. ] If only, right?
[ Stiles falls silent for a beat. ]
Innocent people paid with their lives for your vision of a better outcome. Was it worth it?
[ His hands are shaking, hot with an anger he can’t keep bottled up inside, so he stuffs them under his armpits when he folds his arms over his chest. ]
[His mouth presses into a flat, firm line as he waits until the signal comes for him to speak in turn. Of course, Sasuke has already forgiven him; this he doesn't say. The confession (and everything entangled within it) is a raw secret to be kept to his chest, jealously guarded, something he does not want anyone else to know, not even someone close to Sasuke and already aware of the truth.
Itachi has never lived in a world where 'the good guy always wins', at least in his own experience, and so his mind slides over that description. Perhaps it only proves whatever point Stiles is trying to make.]
Asking that question is pointless because it changes nothing. But you already know that, and instead you're gauging how I answer to form an opinion on my feelings. [Nice try, he has exactly zero feelings.] ... I can say that I don't know.
I was thirteen when I made the decision. Perhaps someone so young shouldn't possess the power I did, but I was told to do it, and if that sacrifice ensured the continued peace of thousands more I would choose it every time. [Now, his voice thaws, the slightest drifting melancholy as he looks out over the river.] Except for what it did to Sasuke. And for what I inflicted upon him. I had less awareness of it, then. I was too close to it. I only longed to die, but I couldn't allow that until I knew he was strong enough to survive those who would seek to harm him.
[He turns eyes onto Stiles, a hard black look, as if to ask— is this what you wanted to hear?]
[ The cold, analytical dissection of his question further aggravates Stiles, who reasons bitingly, It’ll change how I feel about you. For once, he keeps the thought to himself, but only because it seems Itachi is willing to answer him regardless. Being reminded of the shinobi’s appallingly young age at the time only makes the described situation all the more ludicrous. A thirteen year old slaughtering everyone in his extended family in the hopes of preventing more bloodshed. It’s insane. What does it mean that a child, barely a teenager, made such a decision? That Itachi was capable of carrying such a decision out in the first place? “Perhaps someone so young shouldn’t possess the power I did…” Jesus Christ. ]
I’m thinking, [ he says defensively, feeling that look like a brand on the side of his face. But in reality, his mind is caught in the undertow of his dogged loyalty to a friend who loves this man while Stiles himself struggles against the current out of a sense of duty to his own ideals. ] Was peace really worth it? Wasn’t your family worth fighting for? There’s…there’s no justice.
[ And he’s not naïve; he understands intimately that the best solutions don’t always end with justice, with the bad guys losing and the good guys winning. Yet Stiles – for whom friends and family are the most critical, influential factor in every action he takes – cannot fathom a world where he would ever consider the choice Itachi made. It’s impossible. ]
Why did you leave Sasuke alive? [ asks Stiles desperately, searching for some common ground, some means by which he can understand this increasingly alien man. ]
[Fallen to waiting, Itachi remains statuesque on the dock; it would be fair to say he has not moved more than his head and his eyes since this conversation began. Another way of exacting control over himself—if only in a physical sense, yet the physical more easily translates into mental and emotional.
He's anticipated that question. All of them, but particularly the last, the only one he chooses to fasten his attention onto. It bears the heaviest burden, after all. Was peace worth it? Yes. Could he have chosen his family? Not if he knew it would lead them to slaughtering others, a constant power struggle between clan and clan, clan and village, village and village...
But this one. It has the most difficult, the most complex, the most simple answer—]
I couldn't kill him.
[Perhaps an unbelievable answer for someone willing to slaughter innocent men, women, and children. But Sasuke—he couldn't. Never. Itachi's voice drifts low and careful, though it remains still solid and certain.]
It was my only condition when I agreed to the parameters of the mission.
tags this mid-composing tag bomb because i'm too excited to wait
[ Given the complexity of the choice that Itachi has just described to him, it’s almost offensively inconceivable to hear such a simple answer now. Visibly balking, Stiles turns to fully face the other man, staring at him in incredulous disbelief. As Itachi anticipated, the teen doesn’t buy it initially; it doesn’t help that he’s watched the two interact in person before, where both Uchiha came off more like estranged, distant family members than beloved brothers incapable of killing each other. ]
What a joke. [ An angry scoff of breath, Stiles beginning to pace up and down the dock. ] What a joke! It’s so fucking funny, I don’t even need to wait for the punchline. You took it upon yourself to decide peace for the village meant slaughtering god knows how many people so they couldn’t rise up against the very real injustices leveled against them, but then left your little brother alive because you “couldn’t” do it. You’re exiled, and he spends until –
[ Stiles pauses, eyes narrowing, as he does math rapidly in his head – calculating ages and time. ]
Until two years ago. Until two freakin’ years ago, like ten years. Hating you! And I know he did, I saw a memory of it. All because you apparently “couldn’t” tell him the truth either. Probably on some bullshit to “protect” him, right?
[ Jaw tight, he thinks back to the first memory he saw in Sasuke’s mirror – of Sasuke’s panic attack amidst a litany of increasingly frantic denials about his brother’s intentions. ]
I can’t wrap my head around this. What…what was life even like for him, growing up? Jesus fucking Christ, Itachi!
[Through that emotional veil of anger, Itachi's mind snaps up the most important flag of information. The very real injustices leveled against them—so he doesn't understand. It's disappointing, of course. Yet it isn't as though Itachi expected him to, when the contentious and politically rife relationship between the Uchiha clan and the village of Konoha could not easily be distilled into a single conversation. Perhaps it was a failure of communication on his own part. Perhaps he should have clarified what he witnessed, the abuses of power, the egos, the scheming...
Even then, Konoha is not without fault. This he recognizes as well. But Konoha is an entity made up of numerous parts, including many other clans outside the Uchiha. No single clan is more important than the rest. There's a complexity that simply cannot be shared in a few words without the experience of living it—calling it home.
So he focuses, as Stiles does, on Sasuke.]
It wasn't only about his protection. I willingly accepted the fault to shield Konoha most of all. If the truth of what occurred was known, it would reflect badly upon the village and encourage further strife and violence. Only a few people were aware of my actions. Sasuke couldn't know, for that reason as well.
[This he used as blackmail to keep his brother safe, but that's another story...]
He survived. In our world, that isn't something to take for granted. That was my goal. [He stares so long at one point in the distance it begins to blur, to lose detail.] I understand more than you do that I do not deserve a relationship with Sasuke. I'm abiding his desires for one here because it's as much as I owe. He has others who care about him now, including yourself. I'd rather see him concentrate on that.
[ Dock boards creaking under his shifting weight, he stares openly at Itachi – scrutinizing the flat expression and deadened gaze for everything the shinobi may not be saying aloud. In the end, with the only recipient of his rage allowing the emotion to break on him without protest, his anger dissipates as quickly as it was stoked; Stiles feels exhausted, like he’s waking from a nasty, debilitating panic attack. This is a conversation he knows he’ll obsess over for nights to come, picking apart everything he was told again and again in an attempt to make sense of the chaos of it all. A thirteen year old slaughtering his entire clan for the greater good, but sparing his younger brother out of sentimentality. It’s just so surreal. ]
You do owe him that. But that shouldn’t be the reason you interact with him. So, I guess I only have one last question.
[ His voice is as tired as he is. In spite of the older man’s seemingly composed demeanor, Stiles has no doubt that the discussion has weighed even more heavily on Itachi. ]
You do love him…right?
[ Ultimately, this is all that matters. It’s the single most important takeaway. It decides how Stiles interacts with this man from now on. ]
[This isn't the question he wanted to answer, but maybe it's the inevitable one hanging heavy and dark over the course of their conversation. Always Sasuke, in the end.
It's not even a question which requires him to consider his answer before he gives it. The truth is plain, surely Stiles can see from everything he's said. But perhaps not. He's spent so many years pretending Sasuke was nothing more to him than a measure of power that to put voice to the opposite, the real and hidden wound within himself...]
I do. There's nothing that would ever change that.
[It's spoken in the quietest, almost hesitant tone he's used yet. They've reached the limit of vulnerability and truth Itachi is willing to surrender in this interaction. He turns, beginning the walk back up the dock and toward the city, leaving Stiles behind.]
[ Maybe he shouldn’t believe him. Maybe he shouldn’t take the word of a man who, at thirteen, massacred his entire extended family to allegedly keep the peace. Maybe he shouldn’t trust that Itachi is telling the truth about his reasoning for keeping Sasuke alive. After all, is someone like this even capable of love? And yet, Stiles does believe – has always had a knack for that, if nothing else, when no one else would listen. So, he watches Itachi’s retreating back with an odd, sharp pain beginning to throb in his chest, a kind of profane sympathy he didn’t ask for or want, especially not for this person.
Long after Itachi disappears from sight, Stiles lingers at the docks in the Underground, mind turning, turning, turning. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ Naturally, he wants this conversation ASAP. ]
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I will head there now.
[It's the last message he sends before he's heading out to the agreed location.]
no subject
When Itachi joins him, Stiles doesn’t look up. The shinobi is acknowledged with a brief bob of his head. ]
no subject
You're aware of some of it. [Itachi remains standing, black eyes out over the rippling river-water, examining a distant point on some far cave wall just barely visible.] You saw a memory of conflict between the clan and Konoha, our village. I haven't asked you for the details of what else it was you witnessed in my mirror.
So I'll ask you now, to understand the context of what I will need to explain. What did you see then?
no subject
Your dad was addressing the clan, telling them about your promotion. I can’t remember the name. Someone suggested you join the Military Police, but your dad told them you’d be joining ANBU instead. [ He pauses, distracted as the shadow sinks out of sight. ] The clan was pissed, so your dad explained his reasoning – ANBU was keeping watch on the clan and this way you could keep watch on the village. You argued that the clan and village are all comrades.
[ Brown eyes cut over and up to Itachi, scrutinizing him. ]
…They shut you up fast. Then the memory ended.
no subject
What you saw was one of many clan meetings that occurred throughout my youth. The Uchiha were a large and powerful clan, and they had aided Konoha greatly in the recent Third Shinobi World War. When they felt they weren't acknowledged by the village for their efforts, they became resentful and bitter toward its leaders.
[Itachi's eyes drop to the water, staring into it. He can imagine his father's face, still, with such startling clarity.]
This was concerning for Konoha. While the Military Police Force was established partially to placate the Uchiha, they also decided to monitor the clan. Tensions began to grow. Eventually the Uchiha were pushed to a corner of the village and resources were cut from the Police Force—explained as inevitable because the world was entering a period of peace, and they were no longer needed. [A pause, then he glances down to the top of Stiles' head.] You should understand, many in the clan believed my father would become Hokage—the village's leader—after the war ended.
Have you ever experienced war?
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Not personally. We’re pretty sheltered in the US. Not saying things are perfect, but it’s easy to turn a blind eye to the broader conflicts in the world with how most of us live.
no subject
I see. In our world, war is a closer threat. Shinobi of hidden villages are inclined to violence between one another, and that power struggle has defined our culture for countless generations. [His voice is mild, lowered to muteness.] I witnessed war myself when I was a young child. Death, bodies, senseless slaughter... It was a memory Jonas unfortunately glimpsed as well. I would have prevented his trespassing if I could, but it was too late.
[At least he'd pulled Jonas out of it. And the massacre, too—he understands trying to have any kind of relationship with Jonas is impossible. Incongruous, given their backgrounds and his own atrocities. He's accepted that.]
My clan was plotting to usurp Konoha's leadership through a coup. I was aware of it, because they trusted me and wished that I would aid them in their plan, but I was also serving as a spy for Konoha itself. If they succeeded, there was little doubt Konoha would fall to yet another war. The village would be too unstable due to that political vacuum. [...] So I was given a choice, and I made a decision.
no subject
Your family [ a word he emphasizes, as opposed to the more distant usage of “clan,” as he summarizes what Itachi’s explained ] placed you in ANBU to spy on the village. At the same time, the village used your connections to spy on your family. Ultimately, you had a choice. Help your family – who sound like they were used and abused by the village, then kicked to the curb – through a coup. But instead you wiped them all out?
[ He can’t remain seated. Righteous anger prickles hot under his skin, bidding him to stand. It’s an effort to keep his voice level, to prevent this conversation from breaking out into another argument. ]
I don’t get it. How the fuck does murdering innocent children, innocent people, make any sense here? Unless you’re telling me that every person in your clan, every single goddamn one from the toddlers to the elderly, was in support of the coup, I can’t – I just can’t. You wanted to prevent a war, but you were the war. How many? Tell me how many.
no subject
Worse were the instances he would instead be acknowledged with admiration or envy for his achievements, lauded for that depth of power. It was an act he'd played along with. It would be simpler to slip into that now, rather than admit any useless regret—but he's no longer wreathed in the lie.]
The alternative was the death and suffering of countless more innocent people. Offering you a number means very little. [Against Stiles' anger, his voice is glazed cold.] I was given the choice because I was the only one capable of it. Otherwise, Konoha would have attempted to stop the coup themselves, requiring the involvement of other shinobi and longer term violence. The village would be left vulnerable to outside nations, who would certainly take advantage of it.
I'm not seeking forgiveness or even understanding from you. Your anger is blameless. When I was exiled, I took the truth I am telling you now with me. Not even Sasuke was aware until after my death, and that was against my wishes.
no subject
[ Countenance twisted darkly, he glares out across the river and thinks. There’s too much for him to healthily process in this moment, emotions choking him in a silence broken only by the sound of water lapping against dock support stilts. If the trichobothria pick up on any indication that Itachi is about to continue speaking, Stiles will rigidly jerk a hand up in a wordless demand to wait. ]
Not too long ago, [ he begins, tone curt, ] I had a conversation with someone. About how so many people brought here seem to come from these fairy-tale lives where the good guy always wins…and never has to make difficult decisions. Victory without sacrifice. [ Even now, the idea has his lip curling enviously. ] If only, right?
[ Stiles falls silent for a beat. ]
Innocent people paid with their lives for your vision of a better outcome. Was it worth it?
[ His hands are shaking, hot with an anger he can’t keep bottled up inside, so he stuffs them under his armpits when he folds his arms over his chest. ]
Would you do it again?
no subject
Itachi has never lived in a world where 'the good guy always wins', at least in his own experience, and so his mind slides over that description. Perhaps it only proves whatever point Stiles is trying to make.]
Asking that question is pointless because it changes nothing. But you already know that, and instead you're gauging how I answer to form an opinion on my feelings. [Nice try, he has exactly zero feelings.] ... I can say that I don't know.
I was thirteen when I made the decision. Perhaps someone so young shouldn't possess the power I did, but I was told to do it, and if that sacrifice ensured the continued peace of thousands more I would choose it every time. [Now, his voice thaws, the slightest drifting melancholy as he looks out over the river.] Except for what it did to Sasuke. And for what I inflicted upon him. I had less awareness of it, then. I was too close to it. I only longed to die, but I couldn't allow that until I knew he was strong enough to survive those who would seek to harm him.
[He turns eyes onto Stiles, a hard black look, as if to ask— is this what you wanted to hear?]
no subject
I’m thinking, [ he says defensively, feeling that look like a brand on the side of his face. But in reality, his mind is caught in the undertow of his dogged loyalty to a friend who loves this man while Stiles himself struggles against the current out of a sense of duty to his own ideals. ] Was peace really worth it? Wasn’t your family worth fighting for? There’s…there’s no justice.
[ And he’s not naïve; he understands intimately that the best solutions don’t always end with justice, with the bad guys losing and the good guys winning. Yet Stiles – for whom friends and family are the most critical, influential factor in every action he takes – cannot fathom a world where he would ever consider the choice Itachi made. It’s impossible. ]
Why did you leave Sasuke alive? [ asks Stiles desperately, searching for some common ground, some means by which he can understand this increasingly alien man. ]
no subject
He's anticipated that question. All of them, but particularly the last, the only one he chooses to fasten his attention onto. It bears the heaviest burden, after all. Was peace worth it? Yes. Could he have chosen his family? Not if he knew it would lead them to slaughtering others, a constant power struggle between clan and clan, clan and village, village and village...
But this one. It has the most difficult, the most complex, the most simple answer—]
I couldn't kill him.
[Perhaps an unbelievable answer for someone willing to slaughter innocent men, women, and children. But Sasuke—he couldn't. Never. Itachi's voice drifts low and careful, though it remains still solid and certain.]
It was my only condition when I agreed to the parameters of the mission.
tags this mid-composing tag bomb because i'm too excited to wait
What a joke. [ An angry scoff of breath, Stiles beginning to pace up and down the dock. ] What a joke! It’s so fucking funny, I don’t even need to wait for the punchline. You took it upon yourself to decide peace for the village meant slaughtering god knows how many people so they couldn’t rise up against the very real injustices leveled against them, but then left your little brother alive because you “couldn’t” do it. You’re exiled, and he spends until –
[ Stiles pauses, eyes narrowing, as he does math rapidly in his head – calculating ages and time. ]
Until two years ago. Until two freakin’ years ago, like ten years. Hating you! And I know he did, I saw a memory of it. All because you apparently “couldn’t” tell him the truth either. Probably on some bullshit to “protect” him, right?
[ Jaw tight, he thinks back to the first memory he saw in Sasuke’s mirror – of Sasuke’s panic attack amidst a litany of increasingly frantic denials about his brother’s intentions. ]
I can’t wrap my head around this. What…what was life even like for him, growing up? Jesus fucking Christ, Itachi!
same......
Even then, Konoha is not without fault. This he recognizes as well. But Konoha is an entity made up of numerous parts, including many other clans outside the Uchiha. No single clan is more important than the rest. There's a complexity that simply cannot be shared in a few words without the experience of living it—calling it home.
So he focuses, as Stiles does, on Sasuke.]
It wasn't only about his protection. I willingly accepted the fault to shield Konoha most of all. If the truth of what occurred was known, it would reflect badly upon the village and encourage further strife and violence. Only a few people were aware of my actions. Sasuke couldn't know, for that reason as well.
[This he used as blackmail to keep his brother safe, but that's another story...]
He survived. In our world, that isn't something to take for granted. That was my goal. [He stares so long at one point in the distance it begins to blur, to lose detail.] I understand more than you do that I do not deserve a relationship with Sasuke. I'm abiding his desires for one here because it's as much as I owe. He has others who care about him now, including yourself. I'd rather see him concentrate on that.
Re: same......
You do owe him that. But that shouldn’t be the reason you interact with him. So, I guess I only have one last question.
[ His voice is as tired as he is. In spite of the older man’s seemingly composed demeanor, Stiles has no doubt that the discussion has weighed even more heavily on Itachi. ]
You do love him…right?
[ Ultimately, this is all that matters. It’s the single most important takeaway. It decides how Stiles interacts with this man from now on. ]
Just, tell me the truth. Please.
no subject
It's not even a question which requires him to consider his answer before he gives it. The truth is plain, surely Stiles can see from everything he's said. But perhaps not. He's spent so many years pretending Sasuke was nothing more to him than a measure of power that to put voice to the opposite, the real and hidden wound within himself...]
I do. There's nothing that would ever change that.
[It's spoken in the quietest, almost hesitant tone he's used yet. They've reached the limit of vulnerability and truth Itachi is willing to surrender in this interaction. He turns, beginning the walk back up the dock and toward the city, leaving Stiles behind.]
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Long after Itachi disappears from sight, Stiles lingers at the docks in the Underground, mind turning, turning, turning. ]