[ text doesn't convey his sarcasm but maybe it doesn't have to. he thinks to leave it then, doesn't pick up his phone for another good 20 minutes. it's long enough for the his severe empathy with Stiles to drain and be replaced with enough for Itachi, a thrashing current he rides with all its dichotomous honesty. ]
[ feeling more pensive, his next quill is sharpened of an olive branch; ]
" why is it so hard to rely on people " i wondered that a lot, when i was a teenager it was hard when i couldnt and harder when i could u know ?
[ well, his vulnerabilities are his; he'll dangle them like bait if he wants to. ]
both, i guess but it helped bein proved wrong by someone who took all my pushin n never moved so now thats what i do too, even when im scared or hurtin, cuz those things suck even more when ur alone im buildin a new family
[He nearly wants to say more. In some capacity, to continue the engagement of conversation even if he does not feel personally capable of good company. He finds himself staring down at his phone for a long time.
Perplexed isn't a word strong enough to describe the way Guanshan makes him feel, or how their relationship has transformed in recent weeks. The intimacy, the brutality… how much of it is inherent to who they are? Does he need Guanshan? Had he needed him, that day he had sought him out alone, emotions in tatters and shreds, distraught and miserable? The only answer he can think is yes. Is he capable of voicing that need with the same raw honesty Guanshan seems to have in spades? No. Does he deserve comfort, even through the lens of masochistic pain? No. Unseen, he finds the fresh scar on one his palms and begins rubbing it, until awareness catches up and he forces himself still.
There's no answer.]
Edited (forgot a detail i wanted to add...) 2021-08-04 21:09 (UTC)
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no subject
thnx for worryin about me
[ text doesn't convey his sarcasm but maybe it doesn't have to. he thinks to leave it then, doesn't pick up his phone for another good 20 minutes. it's long enough for the his severe empathy with Stiles to drain and be replaced with enough for Itachi, a thrashing current he rides with all its dichotomous honesty. ]
[ feeling more pensive, his next quill is sharpened of an olive branch; ]
" why is it so hard to rely on people "
i wondered that a lot, when i was a teenager
it was hard when i couldnt and harder when i could
u know ?
[ well, his vulnerabilities are his; he'll dangle them like bait if he wants to. ]
no subject
Do you still find it difficult now, or have you changed?
no subject
but it helped bein proved wrong by someone who took all my pushin n never moved
so now thats what i do too, even when im scared or hurtin, cuz those things suck even more when ur alone
im buildin a new family
no subject
["Build a new family."]
You enjoy connecting with others. I know he is similar. Perhaps you'll be more help for him.
no subject
but i get it
call on me when u need me
no subject
Perplexed isn't a word strong enough to describe the way Guanshan makes him feel, or how their relationship has transformed in recent weeks. The intimacy, the brutality… how much of it is inherent to who they are? Does he need Guanshan? Had he needed him, that day he had sought him out alone, emotions in tatters and shreds, distraught and miserable? The only answer he can think is yes. Is he capable of voicing that need with the same raw honesty Guanshan seems to have in spades? No. Does he deserve comfort, even through the lens of masochistic pain? No. Unseen, he finds the fresh scar on one his palms and begins rubbing it, until awareness catches up and he forces himself still.
There's no answer.]